Cat Piss


After a great deal of self introspection and consideration, I am mailing my ballot today.

As it has been for so many of you as well, this has been a struggle. There are people for whom I have great respect and love who have made it clear to me how they are voting. Some are voting for Trump as they believe that he is less dangerous (or less a criminal) than Clinton. Some are voting for Clinton because they believe that Trump is a racist and misogynist. Both sides have prevailed upon me to cast my vote for the lesser evil.

There are those who have gone to Johnson and even Stein. They explain to me that it is a Vote of conscience and (I happen to agree) it is not a wasted vote.

So who did Dave end up voting for?

negativesIn an election season that has seen pretty much everything you could have imagined in a Political season, it’s been hard to make up my mind. On a local level, a career politician termed out and running for yet another office Farmer is running against a man who claimed to be a Farmer but isn’t, but both are members of the same Party. Each of them is running ads that accuse the other of basically being Nancy Pelosi’s personal Prince Rupert’s dog and a bigger liar than Hillary Clinton. Who, as far as I can remember, are in the other party.

The Senatorial race has two Democrats, thanks to the unconstitutional Prop 14 – given to us by two Republicans, Abel “WIIFM?*” Maldanado and Charles Munger – neither of whom support or defend the Constitution in my view. One has spent money to convince registered Republicans (such as myself) that the other is a Bay Area Liberal while she is an Orange County “moderate” who can’t maintain two homes on a mere $175,000 a year plus expenses and benefits and needs a raise.

My Congressional race features the tradition Democrat v Republican race, two “local farmers” who aren’t either. The Democrat has managed to run inept and almost comical campaigns, getting only one thing right in two races – his 4th of July float. The Republican has made it clear that he is a money hungry Boehner-Ryan lackey who will do anything to be re-elected while waving the flag and voting to not defund Obamacare and support illegal immigration, or as he calls it, “reform.”

Ballot Prop after ballot prop, most of which is supported by false advertising and outrageous assumptions about the level of intelligence of the typical voter.

It was frustrating and in truth, a bit depressing. This is what we have become as a republic, both nationally and on a State level.

As you know, I emphatically DO NOT ENDORSE candidates at any level for any office. If you ever see a Candidate list me as an endorser, you know that candidate is lying. Period. There’s a reason for that, generally speaking it’s because I refuse to become like so many of my compatriots and beholden to politicians for interviews and “insider tips” that so many in the bizz salivate over. I never did and still don’t care. Plus, when the time comes, I want to be able to say what I think, not be forced to defend or promote a politicians actions based on my relationship with him or her.

That’s why I stood in a parking lot at the old station one day and answered as directly as I am capable a politicians direct question to me: “Okay Dave, how much money and from whom should I be able to raise?”

“Easy,” I replied, “You can raise as much and from whomever you can legally do it – as long as it doesn’t look like you’re selling your vote for money. Which you did.”

At the end of the day, my integrity matters to me. Which is also why I will NEVER run for public office. It’s not possible to stay in office without selling out somewhere. Frankly it’s not possible to get into office in the first place with a Faustian deal or two along the way.

Also, in today’s world, it’s impossible for anybody of my particular persuasions to run without being viciously attacked over things that happened decades ago or being painted as intolerant or racist without any actual corroborating evidence. And stupid people vote. So it ain’t gonna happen.

So who did I vote for?

President – Nobody

Senate – Nobody

CA10 – Nobody

State Senate – Nobody

Assembly – I voted for the Farmer, but I did so with great reservations based on his political career. This is the last time I will vote for him, since it’s become clear that he is just moving from office to office to collect a paycheque and a pension. I already feel dirty about it and while I am sure that he’s a great guy and all, I despise politicians who are hooked on the job (and its paycheque) and not the service.

Ballot Props – a couple of Yes, mostly no.

Dave's Actual Ballot

Dave’s Actual Ballot

I went to put my ballot in the envelope and take it to the Post Office when I discovered that one of the cats had pissed on it. I am not making that up. One of the cats, there is much debate over which one of the three, pissed on my ballot (to be fair, it was also on the notes for my book project and my blood pressure medications).

After expressing my displeasure and my anger by much throwing of things at cats, I realized that perhaps there is no better metaphor – or simile, I get them confused, so let’s just go with “analogy” –  for this election. Even the cats know that the choices in this election year are worth pissing on and not much else.

I am sending the ballot in anyway because I am hoping that the smell of a cat piss soaked ballot gives off the fragrance which will indicate the message that I would love for politicians to get this election.

Go Vote, my friends. It’s the duty and responsibility of every virtuous citizen.

*“What’s In It For Me?” – Lt. Governor for six months Abel Maldanado, who traded his vote for Prop 14 to be Ass Governor to Arnold. For six months. 

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Posted on November 1, 2016, in 2016 Presidential, Elections and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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